One of the few things I thought about when I learned I was pregnant was the physical changes I would endure on this journey and I must say, I was looking forward to it! I was ready for whatever God was going to send my way. I still am even though I’m 23 weeks in. You’re probably wondering, “she’s crazy. Why would anyone look forward to that?”
My sister and I had a really interesting conversation about having children later on in life as opposed to be in our early 20’s. This isn’t something that she and I knew we couldn’t do. I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate every step if I were to have a child around that time. I also learned the older I am when I experience new things, I have a newfound appreciation for it, something I didn’t have when I was younger.
Here I am, in my early 30’s in a much more appreciative mindset. I cherish each growing day, including the body pains I endure. I tell my husband all the time, that going through different phases and experiencing new things allows me to reflect on how real God really is. To be able to create life (even though I’m a baby incubator lol) and watch that life grow is such a blessing. It pains me to see women who want to experience this, can’t.
So far in my experience levels, I noticed my nose getting wider and my lips getting more plump! As if it needs to get any plumper. My breasts has grown, and again, like it needs to get bigger, all pointed out by my sweet husband. My skin in certain areas are dryer than normal, but I have that “glow” that all mothers get. I always tell my husband to be honest about my appearance and let me know if he sees anything different. I’ve been blessed to still be able to wear my dresses. Of course all of my jeans and pants are folded away.
I experience a lot “growing pains” which is basically my body adjusting and expanding for little one. I will say, sometimes the pain is very intense to where I am laying flat on my butt because the more I move, my body will lock up and cramp. This can annoy me because I love to move around and walk. I try to get some exercise in as much as I can. So far I haven’t gained any weight, seems like baby girl is eating everything I put in, but I definitely understand that I may gain all my weight closer to giving birth which I’m okay with.
It baffles me when people send me private messages telling me things are going to get worse as if its something to loathe. “yeah your feet will get swollen and you won’t be able to wear any of your shoes.” then there are comments such as, “just because you don’t have morning sickness now, you will get it later. You won’t look this put together in the next few weeks.”
It was as if, pregnancy was something to hate. Don’t get me wrong, every journey is different and my journey can get very intense as the weeks pass by, but my goal is to embrace the journey and appreciate every step. I’ve read stories and talked to some moms about their journey and how difficult everything was but one thing I noticed about all of them, was the joy and appreciation they had and how they would do it all over if they can see the beautiful blessing at the end. So, if you’re a new mother to be like me, embrace the journey, the swollen lips, feet, body pain, etc. God chose us to be mothers for a reason. If you’ve yet to experience it, don’t worry, when its your time, God will look out.
My baby’s movements are everything. My husband and I love it.
I’m going to be honest, I was bombarded with several feelings when that pregnancy test came back positive. Like, who gave the authority for “me” to be a mother? Does it look like I have the “mother gene?” How I look with a little mini human running after me, calling me “mommy?” In 10 years, I’ll be that 43 year old with a 10 year old! And then…
I told my husband. His response was better than mine, I’ll tell you. We suspected it a week early because my cycle is never late. He was too giddy and excited. He thought I was lying at first, calling the test a prank test. Like, who has the time and energy to prank that? He was so happy and at that moment I think he wanted to tell the whole world, but I said…no. I didn’t know how to feel just yet. So we video chat my best friend and her reaction, too, was better than mine! She cried! See? Where’s that mother gene, Marisa? My sister was super excited which was extra special because I’ve kept her in the loop from the time my cycle didn’t show up, to weird symptoms, and the test. She is forever my best friend and I love her.
When we told our parents, not only were they excited, but they wanted to tell all their friends and the rest of the family. Of course, I said no and I’ll come after you if you do. We were very strategic in who we told, we decided to keep it close quarters. Well, mostly me because I still could not wrap my head around this whole, “you’re gonna be a mommy!” I wasn’t ready for the whole world to know like everyone else was.
However, I’m excited that my brother’s daughter will have a cousin to play with and my mother-in-law gets to experience being a first time grandmommy, and my husband being a big kid…with our kid.
So why am I not on board like everyone else? Well, for one, I am responsible for another person’s life, at least for the next…ever. What they take with them in this cold world is determined by what I teach them. And husband of course. I won’t lie, my confidence went out the window when that test came back positive. I’m literally going to have to walk by faith and not by sight on this one, which of course is going to be exciting for God because he knows this is something I cannot control. I can plan til the crows sing and I still won’t be prepared for motherhood. I’ve been told its a “learn as you go” process and many mistakes will be made. Motherhood scares me.
As the weeks go by and the baby grows, God assures me that He will continue to walk with us through this thing called Parenthood and to get ready for a beautiful, happy and healthy baby. I just need to believe it.
But in all honesty…I’m super excited for the mere reason that there is someone that I will have to guide in their life, provide them tools to be an exceptional human being and I get to do it with my amazing husband!
If I could tell my younger self that I would be happily married at 32, I’m sure my younger self would roundhouse kick me like this:
I would never believe it. Not only that, but being married to someone younger than me? Who would have thought? So where do I start? How’s married life, Marisa? What are the pros and cons? What’s the tea? Well, what’s your tea about marriage? Let’s start off by me saying that my husband is an angel on earth. He is unlike any man I’ve ever encountered and is the most kindhearted person I’ve ever met. I say that a lot, but its true. 😎
Marriage is a lifelong journey, that’s not for the faint or weak hearted. Although I’ve embarked on 6 months, I’ve learned the true meaning of patience and grace, lol. Trust me, I’m still learning. And I’m ready to go another 6 months and so on! Talk to any married couple. They’ll say its hard work, but rewarding. Our favorite married couples happens to be my Bishop Barry Mitchell and his wife First Lady Janice, my uncle Bill and aunt Joan, our friends Pastor Theo and First Lady Patrice, my sister-in-law Kaycie and my big brother Jonathan and a plethora of other couples. We love taking advice from couples who give sound wisdom who doesn’t take sides. With that being said, there are sacrifices that we make for each other, a whole set of other feelings to consider, and someone who we can take on the world with, with God by our side. Yes, we’re a couple who believes and loves on JESUS and He is REQUIRED not only in our marriage but in our daily lives.
You know, I left home at 18, became completely domesticated and independent that I spend the next few years with this attitude that I didn’t need anyone, not even God. That’s how arrogant I was. I went though life and it completely changed me. I had to take care of myself, fend for myself because no one else would. I became tough and I looked at people like, “get over your feelings and keep moving.” I had no sympathy or empathy. Throughout that I learned quite a bit about finances, how to survive, how to live on my own, pay bills, etc. I was the epitome of self-sufficient. Sometimes, that can be a flaw too. If you’re like me, and you meet your future husband, its not his job to break that wall you build up. Its God’s job. And yours. “Well, that’s how I am and whoever marry me will have to put up with me.” LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! If you think like that, you will NEVER be married. Throw that arrogance away. Throw that mentality that you don’t need anyone. Get rid of the anti-sympathy. When you’re married, you’re no longer alone. I’m learning that.
I would not let Benjamin do anything. Take out the trash? I was doing that way before I met him. Putting the groceries in the house? I use to carry 20 bags of groceries up 6 flight of stairs. Pump gas? Move boxes? ANYTHING! I can do and therefore I didn’t need him. That puts a dent in your man’s confidence. To feel like you’re not needed? Then why get married? I had to learn to step back and let Benjamin take the lead. I didn’t have to do these things by myself! But as an independent woman, yes it can be difficult to relinquish control a little bit and give it to your husband. But the amount of weight that is lifted is like no other.
What about this whole wives submit to your husband?
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)
Guys, read that scripture. Our husbands should love US like Christ loved the church so much that he died for the church. Which means, Benjamin has to be good and ready to take a bullet for me. That’s a lot of love first of all. Submission, if you don’t understand, is yielding your will to your husband’s will. For example, I may want seafood for dinner but hubby wants steak, so we’re gonna go to Longhorn. But because my husband LOVES me so much, he’s gonna say, “babe, let’s get seafood!”
Benjamin is the head of the household. He is the leader and provider and I am his helpmate. For me, this is very challenging for someone who is use to complete control and makes the decisions. But I will tell you, it is refreshing for someone who you trust to make decisions that’s best for the both of you. Now that’s not to say that Benjamin doesn’t ask me my opinion because he does but I enjoy letting him take over.
Control your tongue
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Proverbs 18:21 (KJV)
We women, especially us black women , we are very sharp-tongue, vocal women. We say what we mean and mean what we say and sometimes the tone can go left-field. Our tone can be callous and harsh if we’re not careful. When we get upset, we say any and everything to our man, no matter hurtful it is. We may bring up the past, or break his confidence or just make him feel the lowest of the low. Men are very sensitive creatures. They may not act like it, but they are and we know how to hurt them. Therefore, we must be careful to their feelings. So when I’m angry, I stay quiet to refrain from saying something I may regret. I learn to speak life into my husband, speak positivity into our marriage.
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31: 11-12 (KJV)
I’m just gonna leave that right there guys. I learned to be a peacemaker in our home and marriage. I bring out his strengths, I pray to God to learn how I can help Benjamin where he’s weak, I don’t bring up his insecurities in his face and if I see a need, I fill it. After all, Benjamin is my #1 after my relationship with God. God is my super #1 because without him, I can’t be the wife I’m supposed to be.
I may have mentioned this in my wedding day post, but when I met Benjamin, I knew he was younger than me. We’re six years apart. There are some areas when I’m more experienced than he is and vice verse but one thing about my husband, is he’s willing to learn. Everything. And sometimes that can be challenging because the things he is trying to learn, I already know and sometimes in my mind I’m like…..”why can’t you get it.” But patience goes a long way and being with my husband has taught me to be more patient, kind and graceful. I learned to give him the benefit of the doubt and I make sure to acknowledge him for his great work.
We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.
You ever got in an argument and someone did something to you and the first thing they say is “I didn’t mean it?” And then you say, “but you did it!” Yeah, that. “Honey, I was trying to get to the laundry but I couldn’t get to it.” For me, I had to take a step back and not judge Benjamin one-sided because if I intended to do something and I didn’t, would it be fair for him to be angry at me? Satan is always looking for ways to convince you that your spouse is terrible. But guess what? There’s this thing called grace that you have to give and to learn to let it go. After all, God gives us grace everyday, even when we don’t deserve it. Who am I that I don’t extend the same to my husband?
So…are they any cons?
Nope! There are no cons…just changes and challenges. Marriage is what you make it. If you want a peaceful and happy marriage, then you work towards it. Marriage is 100/100. You put your all into it. We stood before God, family, friends and a couple of people we don’t like and made promises to each other. Know that your spouse isn’t perfect, neither are you. And that’s okay! Some days they will disappoint you, upset you, do something you don’t like, but you make sure you know that communication is key. Talk about everything in a respectful manner. Have you seen the Red Table Talk with Will Smith? He and Jada mentions how important it is to be respectful and loving with your spouse and if you can’t at that moment, take a minute alone to get your act together. Your spouse doesn’t deserve your “wrath”.
Please understand that marriage is not perfect. Don’t marry a person thinking it’s going to be lollipops and candy canes and that it’s going to be sunny everyday. You’re going to struggle. Life will throw some stinking curve balls at you. You may be broke, your lights might cut off, your car may break down, you may have to live off ramen noodles for a couple of weeks. Guys, I knew Benjamin was really the one for me when we spent one evening on our honeymoon eating ramen noodles and hot dogs at the dinner table and we just talked nonstop. 😅😅
A wise human being told us, and I think it was our bishop, that it’s us versus the problem. You guys versus the devil. You and him versus them. Your spouse is above all, EXCEPT your relationship with God, okay? Know that your spouse comes before your mommy, ya daddy, ya siblings, ya friends, etc. If you have kids, even your kids. We learned that in counseling from a couple who has kids. Think of marriage as one of those big promises that you made to God that you can’t take back, until you die. Keep your marriage tight-knit, seek WISE counsel, and never invite strangers into your marriage, and that includes family. Never display your issues for the world and keep God smack dab in the middle!
I think I’m going to make this one of my lifestyle must haves on the blog because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE horror/slasher movies. I grew up watching them starting as a little girl (thanks Dad!) Its my brother Anthony and my favorite past time. We’ll watch anything scary, or not so scary that should be and have a great time. We always turn our noses to people who don’t like them (not really, but we giggle), and become excited when we do meet another human being that ,loves them too! So if you’re into these types of movies, check these out!
In theaters now…
I’m an AMC member and I’ve seen these movies and loved them. Hellfest is a complete slasher movie, so not much of a story line, but we love a good slasher. If you’ve been following The Conjuring or Annabelle, you would appreciate The Nun. Lots of jumpy scenes and there’s a little surprise at the end! Now I’ve been a Michael Myers fan since I was a little girl, and I wasn’t a huge fan of the Rob Zombie remakes, but this remake!! It is EVERYTHING guys!! Can we just acknowledge that this movie made over $70mil their first weekend, its the biggest horror movie opening with a female lead AND the female lead is over 55! And who doesn’t love Jamie Lee Curtis?? If you’ve seen the older Halloween movies especially the first one, you will be just as excited as I was!
oldies, but goodies...
These will have to be my main favs. I watch these all the time, including Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street. These are old school horror movies and they never get old.
If you have time to watch the entire collection...
The Haunting of Hill House
I’m sure you’ve heard, that The Haunting of Hill House is the “scariest Netflix series” out right now, but I’m still trying to find the “scariest” parts. It is indeed a good show. They are some moments that will make you jump and I love the flashbacks. The idea around it can be very scary. You have these kids that lives in this super haunted house that took their mother away from them, not to mention the things they’ve seen while they live there.
So, recently, I embarked on my two year blogaversary and it completely slipped my mind! What blogger does not celebrate their anniversary? They do photoshoots, giveaways, make big announcements, etc. Here I am, it completely slipped my mind! So I had to sit down and ask myself, what’s next? You’ve been blogging for two years more or less consistently, what are your plans?
I tried to do so many things, start some amazing ideas, that I didn’t see them through because of one thing: fear. Fear that no one would like it, or no one would notice it. I was afraid I’d look stupid and that people would think I didn’t belong on this platform. My husband had to remind me, that I love beauty, and fashion. I also reminded myself, that since I was younger, I would always go shopping and put outfits together, I was always doing new things to my hair, and I bought every magazine that gave me fashion inspiration. This fear thing? Is nothing but the devil.
So it was time to kick the devil out and evict him from my home and my family. If fear is stopping you from pursuing your dream, stop it. Tell the devil to get the hell out. God has given me this vision and I can achieve it with his help. He wants me to have fun and enjoy with being creative. The right people will come.
So again, you may ask? What’s next?? We are almost halfway through 2018 and I’m going to let God run this blogging show. He is my creative manager, my producer and my partner. He knows my goals and ambitions and what I love to do and we are going to do this together. Those plans that I tried to see through that failed? Well, they just got back on the drawing board. Those projects will be debuting this year and I can’t wait for you guys to see it! I started back creating more videos on YouTube so check out my new video here.
Fear is not a thing that I will allow to consume me. And you shouldn’t let it either.