I didn’t ask for this.
I sure wasn’t expecting it either.
I wasn’t one of those girls that would sit in her bedroom wishing for her King to come and sweep her off her feet and sing sweet melodies into the distance. I had other plans. ME plans. MY plans. I plans. Mine, mine, MINE. Who is a WE anyway? There’s no WE with Marisa. Nope. Notta. Is that even a word? Notta? It is today. I think my family was very concerned for me. I haven’t brought a man home since my high school sweetheart. I was 17 then. I was approaching mid-twenties. Before him, I never brought anyone home to meet the fam. I was asked, “When are we gonna meet him?” or “So, what’s his name?” or “Do you even like boys?” No. I like men thank you very much. Anyway, then he came. Out. Of. Nowhere. I remember like it was yesterday, only this happened over 5 years ago. I was at my lowest in life (at least that’s what I thought), trying to literally rise from the ashes. Me and Jesus were friends again and I was making those plans! I was home, living with my dad and step-mom. One degree down, and I need a job to save a bunch of money so I can get out of that little town. A call center job. Nothing serious.
He was one of my floor trainers. Once you’re done in the classroom, you’re on the floor using all the tools you didn’t learn in the class to take these random, bogus calls about cell phones and their expensive ridiculous plans. And then I raised my hand to ask a simple question. Just one of those yes or no questions. Not a life story question. I asked him that question and he thought it was okay to give me an essay of an answer. No, sir. I don’t need all that, THANK YOU! That was rude Marisa. So rude. That intrigued him. He would talk to me every chance he got when I came to work. A hello here and there. A tiny conversation outside during break time.
I knew he was younger than me. But I wasn’t even looking at him like that. Just making conversation. Then our conversations became interesting. He can actually hold a decent conversation! That was rare at that job. That intrigued me. We talked about everything from pop culture, religion, music, celebrity gossip, current events, you name it. Then he took my phone and put his number in it. He didn’t have any expectation of me reaching out. He said a girl like me would never go for him. Well, that’s not nice. So, I proved him wrong. He was a gentleman. He had great conversation and he had this twinkle in his eye when he talks to me. Where’d that come from? Oh well, I wasn’t interested.
As the days go by, we became friends, then good friends, and then great friends. The more our relationship grew, I learned, we have more in common than I thought. Who is this guy? He has an old soul. But he’s younger than me and that bothered me more than anything. Because now, I gotta pick a bone with God.
“You tryna be funny up there? Who is this guy? You think this funny?”
Benjamin became that person that I can tell my aspirations and goals to. My problems. my issues and what I struggle with. He’s the guy that I enjoy long car rides where we would talk. For hours. My dad would be upset at me for coming home late! But that’s how it was with Benjamin. You would get lost in the time with him. Being with him made time…..worth it. Jesus, who is this guy? Then we would go out. Dinner, the movies, everywhere. Making memories I didn’t think would stick with me 5 years later. Developing a bond that I didn’t understand would mean everything to me 5 years later.
Complications happened and both parties were afraid of what was to come. This was different for the both of us. He had a string of failed relationships of dishonesty and heartbreak and I was constantly building a wall to keep out things like that. It was weird because when we got to a point in our relationship where we knew what we wanted, it was time for me to go. I got a new job in Charlotte, NC and he was staying home with plans to make it up that way soon.
The long distance was the challenging part. People thought we were breaking up just because I was moving! Who does that? We talked everyday. Found ways to video chat and we would send those long lovey dovey text messages. He would come visit. Then something happened. Everything stopped. This was hard work and life happened, making things stressful. We would argue and fight and it seemed like that’s all we would do.
“Now Jesus, I know good and well you didn’t put this guy in my life only for me to watch him leave. Fix this.”
It seemed normal to argue and fight more than anything else. We were never rude or hurtful to each other and thank God that Benjamin is the kindest person I’ve ever met. Even when he is upset with me, he is never boastful, or rude. That was rare. Even when I was mean or rude, he would never…
This was someone that I could not let slip away. Not on my watch. So I fought for him. He fought for me. We fought for us. It was like a switch went off on our brains and our relationship did a complete 180. Now I understand what married couples mean when they say stuff like, “After years and years, our bond grows stronger everyday.” I get it. As our bond grows stronger every day, we are met with some crazy trials in life. We struggled together. We were broke together. If one had it, the other had it too. It took Benjamin a long time to understand. “I got you.” The me became a WE and it came natural to me. He’s my best friend and in spite of our struggles, we’re always there for each other.
Benjamin’s kindness taught me to be more kind. He’s a man of God, a true Believer and my personal Bible scholar. Its hard to stay mad at him. His hugs are comforting and his words are meaningful. He’s amazing. His mother raised him very well. We both knew that God was working on us to come together and that’s a funny story! That might be for another day.
Sometimes the person you want may come wrapped a little different than you expected. But don’t ignore it. Finding a life partner that God has for you is not a rat race. It isn’t a competition. Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Your husband will come find you. But you have to get prepared and be ready. I was ready and didn’t even know it. Funny. God knows everything. Here’s to the beginning of forever, Sweetheart.